


Ready, steady, CATNIP!

by CrazyTaterTot49



Series: Bleached Strawberry: Shenanigan's and Crack Edition [1]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Crack, Nonsense, catnip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-19
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:34:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27104293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrazyTaterTot49/pseuds/CrazyTaterTot49
Summary: The next time Ichigo encounters Grimmjow, he is ready.
Series: Bleached Strawberry: Shenanigan's and Crack Edition [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1978312
Kudos: 20





	Ready, steady, CATNIP!

“Oi, Grimmjow!” Ichigo hollers.   
Grimmjow turns towards the substitute soul reaper with a manic grin, eyes glinting with bloodlust.   
A bag of green stuff explodes in Grimmjow’s face, and the sexta espada sneezes. When he breathes in, he freezes in place, and even from his place far away Ichigo can see the man’s pupils blow wide.   
-  
It is both terrifying and fricking hilarious to see the sexta espada fall into a boneless heap on the ground, and roll around in a pile of catnip, stoned out of his mind.   
Ichigo simply stands and stares, not even knowing how to approach the situation of a full grown blood thirsty, not to mention homicidal hollow, rolling around on the ground in a large pile of catnip, making purring and snuffling noises as he mashes his face into the ground and breathes in the herb like its going out of style.   
Urahara makes an appearance moments later, appearing in a blur of shunpo to stand next to Ichigo and stare at the spectacle from behind the open fan in his hand.   
“Errrr…..Ichigo-kun?”   
“Yeah?”   
“This is what you wanted that five pound bag of catnip for?”   
“Yeah.”   
“.....Alright then.” Urahara hums, staying a few more moments to stare at what chaos Ichigo has created. “One question?”   
“What?”   
“Where did you hide that, it's awfully bulky?”   
“Don’t worry about it, Urahara-san.” Ichigo mutters ominously.   
Urahara sweat drops, but wisely does not push for an answer, instead choosing to shunpo away and back to his shop to conduct strange experiments that everyone knows he does but never dares to enquire upon.   
Ichigo, meanwhile, continues to stare at Grimmjow until the other eventually passes out in a catnip induced stupor.   
He proceeds to grab the sexta espada by the back of his collared jacket and begins to drag him away from the warzone of herb.   
“Now to find someone to take him back to Heuco Mundo….” Ichigo mutters, not knowing what to do with his passed out luggage.   
He had a plan to begin with, but that was simply:   
1\. Catnip.   
2\. Grimmjow.   
3\. Whack Grimmjow in the face with catnip.   
4\. See what happens.   
There was no end game for what he was going to do after.   
Sighing, he stares up at the sky and really wishes that he had a backup plan for how to get rid of the other. There was no way in hell he was killing him, and there was no way he was bringing him home. So, what to do?   
As if summoned, a Garganta opens up down the street. A silver head pops out, attached to a very familiar face. One who had previously tried to stab Ichigo…..Now that he thought of it, literally everyone he’s met since becoming a soul reaper has tried to stab him once or twice…..  
Back to the matter at hand. Ichigo freezes, hand going to the hilt of his Zanpaktuo and waiting for the other to reveal his intentions.   
“Oh, hiya Ichi-chan! I see you found Grimm-kitty!” The other chirps with a wide grin.   
Ichigo clicks his tongue, scrunching up his nose at the other. Gin was hot, but still a creepy bastard. Also he was a traitor who was working with Aizen, so there was that too.   
“Take him, I don’t want his stoned ass.”   
Gin’s eyes actually open a little, revealing slivers of ice blue in the man’s surprise, but they are quickly hidden again.   
“Awww, what’d ya do to him?” He questions.   
“Catnip.” Is all Ichigo says.   
‘Oooh, genius, I should try that next time!”   
Ichigo tosses Grimmjow at the other’s feet, the espada groaning as he crashes into the ground, but otherwise not regaining consciousness. Neither mention that Grimmjow was still making small purring noises in the back of his throat.   
“Welp, I guess I’ll just be taking him and going! See you around, Ichi-chan!” Gin blows a teasing kiss his way. Both Gin and Grimmjow disappear back through the Garganta in a flash. The tear closes immediately, and Ichigo is left alone.   
As he said. Creepy. Bastard.   
Ichigo grimaces, thinking of the poor bastard who would have to clean up all that catnip tomorrow. He quickly shrugs it off, deigning to head home and see if he can avoid his crazy father and anyone else for the night. Maybe he'd actually get some sleep.   
\-   
Hours later, his hollow detector goes off, screeching noisily enough to wake the dead.   
His hand shoots out from below a pile of blankets, grasping the contraption tightly in hopes that it shuts the hell up. Ichigo slowly emerges, glaring death at the infernal contraption. No such luck it seems.   
Someone or something was going to die. He thinks, as he ejects himself from his body and goes to obliterate whichever unlucky hollow woke him up at three a.m.

**Author's Note:**

> Just imagine it: Catnip + Grimmjow. Cause ya know, he's a panther hollow which = still a cat.   
> Also for contexts sake: this is just a random fight that Grimmjow and Ichigo are having, cause the sexta espada wanted to come play with (read: kill) Ichigo. Mainly its just supposed to be pure crack.


End file.
